The legend of love
Ken Deutsch
Issue date: 2/12/07 Section: Forum
We all know Valentine's Day will be at our throats in less than a week. It's that special time of the year when we buy flowers and a card for our significant other - at least if we know what's good for us. But few of us are aware of the rich traditions from whence this merchandising bonanza sprang.
Way back in the days before there were such things as Cheez Whiz®, celebrity rehab and even before cell phones had ring tones featuring Fergie and Young Jeezy, there lived a guy named Saint Valentine. It was about 2,000 years ago in Rome, where politicians were intolerant of people, not of their own faith. Of course, this may be hard to believe because today everyone loves one another and gets along perfectly. Take Ted Kennedy … please!
The emperor of that time, a charming fellow named Claudius II, arrested Valentine for helping people practice Christianity. Much in the manner of the L.A. police, associates of Claudius pounded Valentine to death with clubs. Everyone lived happily ever after, except of course Valentine. The end.
So, how did we get from a religious guy getting beaten into guacamole thousands of years ago, to romantic television commercials in which couples run on the beach in slow motion and $24 boxes of candy are described as "value-priced?" And who told DeBeers an "appropriate" amount to spend on a diamond wedding ring is one month's salary? No one knows.
But we do know in Europe about 250 years ago, people started giving each other handmade cards on birthdays and anniversaries. When this custom was imported to America, we somehow got the dates mixed up and started sending them on Valentine's Day. This messing around with dates is an American tradition. For example, Feb. 19 is officially Presidents' Day, but Abraham Lincoln was born on Feb. 12 and George Washington was born on Feb. 22. So, it makes perfect sense, don't you think?
By the turn of the 19th century (that's the year 1800 for those scholars who believe "The Undertaker" really kills his wrestling opponents), we didn't even have to make Valentine's Day cards by hand because at last we could buy them from a large, impersonal corporation. This saved us the excruciating task of writing a few original sentences. And is there anything quite as insulting as getting an "e-card?" It shows your loved one cared enough about you to go online and spend 14 seconds.
Way back in the days before there were such things as Cheez Whiz®, celebrity rehab and even before cell phones had ring tones featuring Fergie and Young Jeezy, there lived a guy named Saint Valentine. It was about 2,000 years ago in Rome, where politicians were intolerant of people, not of their own faith. Of course, this may be hard to believe because today everyone loves one another and gets along perfectly. Take Ted Kennedy … please!
The emperor of that time, a charming fellow named Claudius II, arrested Valentine for helping people practice Christianity. Much in the manner of the L.A. police, associates of Claudius pounded Valentine to death with clubs. Everyone lived happily ever after, except of course Valentine. The end.
So, how did we get from a religious guy getting beaten into guacamole thousands of years ago, to romantic television commercials in which couples run on the beach in slow motion and $24 boxes of candy are described as "value-priced?" And who told DeBeers an "appropriate" amount to spend on a diamond wedding ring is one month's salary? No one knows.
But we do know in Europe about 250 years ago, people started giving each other handmade cards on birthdays and anniversaries. When this custom was imported to America, we somehow got the dates mixed up and started sending them on Valentine's Day. This messing around with dates is an American tradition. For example, Feb. 19 is officially Presidents' Day, but Abraham Lincoln was born on Feb. 12 and George Washington was born on Feb. 22. So, it makes perfect sense, don't you think?
By the turn of the 19th century (that's the year 1800 for those scholars who believe "The Undertaker" really kills his wrestling opponents), we didn't even have to make Valentine's Day cards by hand because at last we could buy them from a large, impersonal corporation. This saved us the excruciating task of writing a few original sentences. And is there anything quite as insulting as getting an "e-card?" It shows your loved one cared enough about you to go online and spend 14 seconds.
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