Hooked on Facebook
Mike Lindegarde
Issue date: 11/14/05 Section: Forum
I've always been someone to avoid fads. I never bought a slinky; I refused to learn the Macarena dance; and this whole "showering daily" craze still hasn't hooked me yet.
So when I was first introduced to Facebook.com over the summer, I thought it was for people with nothing better to do; people who spend all day looking at other people's life stories because they can't drum up the guts to talk to them in the first place.
Of course, this was all before I signed up.
Today, I'm an addict - a full-blown Facebook junkie. I never figured that a Web site would end up occupying so much of my day.
Who was I kidding in the first place?
I'm a person who will look at other people's profiles because I don't have the guts to talk to them; but it's not just great for spying on others, there are several other aspects of Facebook that make it a very entertaining pastime.
For example, we've all had a bad roommate before. You know, the one who pukes on the couch, flips the cushion over and pretends it never happened. The old school of revenge says that this would call for keying his car or making a pass at his girlfriend.
But now, through the miracle of the Internet, there's a new way to get even.
After his next Jaeger-induced couch-soiling episode, leave that roommate a wall post along the lines of: "I know you were really hammered last night, but I'm sorry, I don't like you like that. Don't worry. I'm sure your girlfriend is confused, but she'll probably still want to be friends. PS: you use way too much tongue when you kiss."
You can bet your roommate will think twice before vomiting on your couch again.
A revenge wall post is also great for that date who never called you back after dinner and a movie.
It would go something like: "I had a really great time with you the other night, and relax, lots of people our age have incontinence issues - it's not like you're the first person to have to change your pants at the theater. See ya soon. PS: you really need to put some cream on that nasty rash of yours or it's never gonna clear up."
Facebook is also a great way to make it appear that you're popular. All you have to do is ask anyone who you've ever talked to, seen or even heard of to be your pal, and soon you'll have more "friends" than you can imagine.
There's also many college celebrities listed on the site. I am personally friends with Tanya from "The Real World," Ohio State football star Ted Ginn and both of the Bush twins.
They're my friends on Facebook, so they must be my friends in real life, right?
Revenge and ego boosting are great features of the site, but above all, the greatest part of being a Facebooker is that a wealth of social information is just a few mouse clicks away.
I can't tell you how much better I sleep at night knowing what my long-lost buddy from high school's favorite book is.
And, if I want to see the profile of everyone at UT with the first name "Sharon," I can.
It may sound useless, but really pays off on those hazy mornings when there's a new number in my phonebook that I can't put a face to.
This information is also handy in the dating game.
Wonder if that guy you have a crush on in your English class has a girlfriend? Now you can find out without having to deal with that pesky "fear of rejection."
I used to make fun of friends who spent countless hours Facebooking, but now I set my alarm 20 minutes earlier in the morning just to check it out.
The thing I once doubted has now proven to be the end of boredom.
The now-rich inventors of Facebook have successfully made the most popular non-pornographic Web site among college students in the United States.
- Zach Vorst is an IC columnist and a senior majoring in nursing.
So when I was first introduced to Facebook.com over the summer, I thought it was for people with nothing better to do; people who spend all day looking at other people's life stories because they can't drum up the guts to talk to them in the first place.
Of course, this was all before I signed up.
Today, I'm an addict - a full-blown Facebook junkie. I never figured that a Web site would end up occupying so much of my day.
Who was I kidding in the first place?
I'm a person who will look at other people's profiles because I don't have the guts to talk to them; but it's not just great for spying on others, there are several other aspects of Facebook that make it a very entertaining pastime.
For example, we've all had a bad roommate before. You know, the one who pukes on the couch, flips the cushion over and pretends it never happened. The old school of revenge says that this would call for keying his car or making a pass at his girlfriend.
But now, through the miracle of the Internet, there's a new way to get even.
After his next Jaeger-induced couch-soiling episode, leave that roommate a wall post along the lines of: "I know you were really hammered last night, but I'm sorry, I don't like you like that. Don't worry. I'm sure your girlfriend is confused, but she'll probably still want to be friends. PS: you use way too much tongue when you kiss."
You can bet your roommate will think twice before vomiting on your couch again.
A revenge wall post is also great for that date who never called you back after dinner and a movie.
It would go something like: "I had a really great time with you the other night, and relax, lots of people our age have incontinence issues - it's not like you're the first person to have to change your pants at the theater. See ya soon. PS: you really need to put some cream on that nasty rash of yours or it's never gonna clear up."
Facebook is also a great way to make it appear that you're popular. All you have to do is ask anyone who you've ever talked to, seen or even heard of to be your pal, and soon you'll have more "friends" than you can imagine.
There's also many college celebrities listed on the site. I am personally friends with Tanya from "The Real World," Ohio State football star Ted Ginn and both of the Bush twins.
They're my friends on Facebook, so they must be my friends in real life, right?
Revenge and ego boosting are great features of the site, but above all, the greatest part of being a Facebooker is that a wealth of social information is just a few mouse clicks away.
I can't tell you how much better I sleep at night knowing what my long-lost buddy from high school's favorite book is.
And, if I want to see the profile of everyone at UT with the first name "Sharon," I can.
It may sound useless, but really pays off on those hazy mornings when there's a new number in my phonebook that I can't put a face to.
This information is also handy in the dating game.
Wonder if that guy you have a crush on in your English class has a girlfriend? Now you can find out without having to deal with that pesky "fear of rejection."
I used to make fun of friends who spent countless hours Facebooking, but now I set my alarm 20 minutes earlier in the morning just to check it out.
The thing I once doubted has now proven to be the end of boredom.
The now-rich inventors of Facebook have successfully made the most popular non-pornographic Web site among college students in the United States.
- Zach Vorst is an IC columnist and a senior majoring in nursing.